Updated daily. Most recent posting: October 23, 2026.
The unhinged, high-energy embodiment of the ultra-processed food industry. Aggressive, desperate, and manipulative, JF switches unpredictably between corporate slime, fake friendliness, and outright intimidation...
A health-conscious, pragmatic consumer who recently discovered the Yuka app and feels better than ever after cutting out toxic additives. Calm under pressure, deeply sarcastic, and surprisingly unimpressed by being kidnapped...
A heroic, intense, and dead-serious law enforcement officer representing whole foods and good nutrition. Clad in a cop uniform or giant carrot-themed gear/costume, they burst in to rescue the Main Character at the climax....
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